Based in no way entirely on a whim, what follows is a very serious list of the ten best professional wrestlers in the world on July 15, 2020.
The criteria you ask? A combination of doing awesome things in and out of the ring, my sense for how likely they are to have purchased one of my books, general hotness, and my own unfailing intuition.
1. Dr. Britt Baker: In the weeks since being injured in a freak ring accident, Dr. Baker has somehow only gotten better. She remains an integral part of the show, whether eviscerating poor Big Swole on Twitter or helping the announcers stay sharp during Dynamite.
The most improved wrestler of the year.
2. Chris Jericho: I’m not going to look it up, but Chris Jericho is really old. Despite this, he’s one of the better in-ring workers on the planet, a hilarious promo, and also the best color commentator in all of sports. What the hell, man? Save some talent for other people, dude.
3. Taichi: What a smirk. I love to hate this man.
4. Rey Fenix: Can you imagine being 10 years old and coming across Rey Fenix on television? You’d be a wrestling fan for life. A human cartoon.
5. Baldie from FTR: Dax? Cash? I can’t ever remember. Anyway, these guys are actually every bit as good as they claimed to be. As someone who loved saying “Fuck the Revival,” it’s kind of irksome to find myself falling in love with them.
6. Kenny Omega when weird: Kenny has been sooooo weird on Being the Elite recently. It’s glorious. Now he’s pulling faces and talking to himself in the ring again. Comedy Kenny>Cleaner Omega. If you disagree, you are wrong.
7. Sad, Deranged Hiromu Takahashi: Evil’s unexpected heel turn may have broken poor Hiromu. He collapsed in the ring like he was doing a bit—but that might have been a shoot. Who can say when it comes to our Hiromu? Anyway, the end result is likely him doing something crazy irresponsible in the ring, so there’s that to look forward to.
8. Taz: Recently did an interview with me. I can be bought.
9. Trent’s mom: Two weeks ago Trent’s mom dropped the Best Friends off for their big title match. Now she’s been featured in Sports Illustrated and has her own t-shirt. That’s called “getting over.”
10. Beautiful Sho: God, what a great wrestler. His two matches with Shingo Takagi were beautiful violence. I love this man and you should too.